“The VA system is a lot different than here, you know,” the man said. I nodded and then asked him if he would tell me more.
When I had first entered the exam room, he had been pacing the floor, looking out the only window and wringing his hands. I approached him slowly, with a big smile on my face, and greeted him while standing and craning my neck up to see his face. We chatted in place for a second, and I asked him for the paperwork which he had filled out and left on his chair. Only once he sat, did I sit on my round wheely seat and relax my strained neck muscles. I had a meeting I needed to remember to get out in time for, but I could tell this encounter was not going to be easy. I noted I would have to ask him to remove his leather jacket to hear his lung sounds and that his light grey hair was unnaturally yellowed around his face.
I asked him all the normal questions, making sure to get a history of what had changed since he last visited this doctor. Many times, he did not know the answer to seemingly simple things. I tried looping back around, to see if I could help him feel more comfortable with me in order to help him remember. If anything, that seemed to confuse him.
“The VA system is a lot different,” he was saying. “There, when a doctor gives an order, it’s like a real order, you know? Like you could get court marshalled for not following it, right?”
He related his story to me, one that involved a horrible accident and subsequent testing at various military hospitals. He said he went through months of seeing different doctors in many different states, until finally the military reached a decision about his fate.
“The last doctor told me I was unsalvageable, so I got discharged,” he said, nonchalantly.
“Unsalvageable?” I said, my jotting hand frozen. “They used that word?”
“Yeah,” he replied. “You know, the military talks different.” But the lines in his face softened, and the tone of his voice almost broke. His left hand started twitching rhythmically, and he looked deep into my face, searching for something.
“Right, but, that’s still hard. That sounds like a really tough time for you,” I responded, unsure of what he was looking for. Apparently he found it, because he smiled and leaned back, twitch ceased.
I learned a lot from that man, and to be honest I missed that very important meeting I was supposed to rush through that encounter to attend. Perhaps I should have been intimidated. He was, after all, a foot taller than me and obviously agitated by his surroundings. I did not get a detailed history and could not answer all the questions my attending asked me, but I think the encounter was successful nonetheless. I learned a lot, and I hope that he felt seen.
How healing, how therapeutic is being seen.
~Yahweh El Roi Genesis 16:13~